Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans

Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans

  • Downloads:5039
  • Type:Epub+TxT+PDF+Mobi
  • Create Date:2021-04-20 09:52:23
  • Update Date:2025-09-06
  • Status:finish
  • Author:Michaeleen Doucleff
  • ISBN:1982149671
  • Environment:PC/Android/iPhone/iPad/Kindle

Summary

NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER

The oldest cultures in the world have mastered the art of raising happy, well-adjusted children。 What can we learn from them?

Hunt, Gather, Parent is full of smart ideas that I immediately wanted to force on my own kids。” —Pamela Druckerman, The New York Times Book Review

When Dr。 Michaeleen Doucleff becomes a mother, she examines the studies behind modern parenting guidance and finds the evidence frustratingly limited and the conclusions often ineffective。 Curious to learn about more effective parenting approaches, she visits a Maya village in the Yucatán Peninsula。 There she encounters moms and dads who parent in a totally different way than we do—and raise extraordinarily kind, generous, and helpful children without yelling, nagging, or issuing timeouts。 What else, Doucleff wonders, are Western parents missing out on?

In Hunt, Gather, Parent, Doucleff sets out with her three-year-old daughter in tow to learn and practice parenting strategies from families in three of the world’s most venerable communities: Maya families in Mexico, Inuit families above the Arctic Circle, and Hadzabe families in Tanzania。 She sees that these cultures don’t have the same problems with children that Western parents do。 Most strikingly, parents build a relationship with young children that is vastly different from the one many Western parents develop—it’s built on cooperation instead of control, trust instead of fear, and personalized needs instead of standardized development milestones。

Maya parents are masters at raising cooperative children。 Without resorting to bribes, threats, or chore charts, Maya parents rear loyal helpers by including kids in household tasks from the time they can walk。 Inuit parents have developed a remarkably effective approach for teaching children emotional intelligence。 When kids cry, hit, or act out, Inuit parents respond with a calm, gentle demeanor that teaches children how to settle themselves down and think before acting。 Hadzabe parents are world experts on raising confident, self-driven kids with a simple tool that protects children from stress and anxiety, so common now among American kids。

Not only does Doucleff live with families and observe their techniques firsthand, she also applies them with her own daughter, with striking results。 She learns to discipline without yelling。 She talks to psychologists, neuroscientists, anthropologists, and sociologists and explains how these strategies can impact children’s mental health and development。 Filled with practical takeaways that parents can implement immediately, Hunt, Gather, Parent helps us rethink the ways we relate to our children, and reveals a universal parenting paradigm adapted for American families。

Download

Reviews

Katrina Clohessy

Surprisingly hands-on and full of practical tips。 I enjoyed the insights from various anthropologists and scientists (given my background in anthropology), but I do wish I could have read more of their insights in addition to hearing more directly from the indigenous communities。 Like most works with any kind of ethnographic lens (or attempt at an ethnographic lens), this book left me inspired to seek out anything written directly by the groups studied, or at least more in-depth ethnographies fr Surprisingly hands-on and full of practical tips。 I enjoyed the insights from various anthropologists and scientists (given my background in anthropology), but I do wish I could have read more of their insights in addition to hearing more directly from the indigenous communities。 Like most works with any kind of ethnographic lens (or attempt at an ethnographic lens), this book left me inspired to seek out anything written directly by the groups studied, or at least more in-depth ethnographies from actual anthropologists。 With all of that being said, this book was not meant to be an ethnography, but rather some kind of hybrid observational project/practical parenting guide。 And I would be lying if I said I wasn't fascinated by the parenting tips。 Some of them were quite familiar and reminded me of how my parents raised me using some aspects of Montessori philosophy, but others were new。 。。。more

Dzabinski

I am not a parent yet, so I have no idea of the efficacy of what is being discussed in this book。 I also try to maintain a healthy skepticism of anything that seems overly critical of western culture, as I think it's easy to idealize other cultures out of novelty。That being said, I thought this was a thoughtful and practical discussion of parenting in other cultures that does a great job of challenging and provoking the reader to think about the way they choose to interact with children。 I think I am not a parent yet, so I have no idea of the efficacy of what is being discussed in this book。 I also try to maintain a healthy skepticism of anything that seems overly critical of western culture, as I think it's easy to idealize other cultures out of novelty。That being said, I thought this was a thoughtful and practical discussion of parenting in other cultures that does a great job of challenging and provoking the reader to think about the way they choose to interact with children。 I think Michaeleen does a great job of confronting behavior we consider normal in a way that doesn't degrade it, but instead opens us up to consider our assumptions。I really enjoyed the process she presented of visiting other cultures and allowing them to discuss their own perspectives and just contrasting that with how most american families behave。 And in most cases I think the reasoning she learned behind those perspectives make a lot of sense, and seem simple in context。Lastly, I appreciated how often she referenced other similar research and books that correlate strongly with her ideas。 I am planning on spending some time reading some of that work as well。I'm looking forward to rereading this book in a year or two when Ill be able to directly apply some of her ideas。 。。。more

Amy Hannon-Korynta

This is a fantastic read that gives practical advice to parents trying to navigate parenthood in America。 It’s filled with great stories, personal anecdotes and sage advice。 A must read for parents and educators。

Candace

3。5 ☆ Wonderful information on parenting a single child, curious how the cultures address sibling rivalry。

Akhil Jain

My fav quotes (not a review):-Page 68 |"“Go upstairs to get toilet paper。” “Go to the other room to grab a pillow。” “Go outside to pick some mint。” Even simply walking across the room to get your shoes is a great task for a toddler。 Go, go, go。 Young kids love to go。 Harness that energy while also teaching them to pay attention to the needs of others。 “Hold the plate while we take the pancakes out of the pan。” “Hold the door while we take the garbage out。”"-Page 71 |"Instead of “Put away your pl My fav quotes (not a review):-Page 68 |"“Go upstairs to get toilet paper。” “Go to the other room to grab a pillow。” “Go outside to pick some mint。” Even simply walking across the room to get your shoes is a great task for a toddler。 Go, go, go。 Young kids love to go。 Harness that energy while also teaching them to pay attention to the needs of others。 “Hold the plate while we take the pancakes out of the pan。” “Hold the door while we take the garbage out。”"-Page 71 |"Instead of “Put away your plate after dinner” or “Fold your laundry,” you’re framing the tasks as a communal activity, such as “Let’s all work together to clean up the kitchen after dinner” or “Let’s all help fold the laundry as a family。”"-Page 93 |"I also really love playgrounds, if you can believe it。 I love watching the birds, reading a book, or writing in a notebook。 I love that playgrounds bring together kids of all ages。 But I don’t like playing on a playground。 That turns the activity from family-centered to child-centered, in my mind。 So Rosy and I go to the playground often, but I work while she plays。"-Page 166 "In this way, physicality is a bit like a Swiss Army pocketknife。 It offers several tools in one。 You can gently touch a child’s arm or rub her back to curtail a rising tantrum, or you can pick her up and bounce her on your knee when you see an outburst gathering。 Physicality can also land somewhere between the two ends of the spectrum。 You can give a child a bunch of Inuit kisses or kuniks (e。g。, sniffs with your nose) on the cheek, a little tickle under the arm, or a raspberry on the belly。 Either way, the physicality tool is a way of showing a child that they’re safe and loved, and that there’s a calmer—and stronger—person taking care of them。 “Physical touch breaks the tension between a child and parent。 When you calmly hug a screaming two-year-old or softly touch the shoulder of a crying eight-year-old, you speak directly to the most accessible part of their brain, and in doing so, you communicate more effectively with the child。"-Page 181 "Every time Rosy said something nasty, or screamed that she wanted two cookies instead of one, or just acted bratty, I said in that same matter-of-fact way, “Who’s being disrespectful?” I couldn’t tell how much she had absorbed。 But ten days into this experiment, I finally receive a clue。 While the two of us lie next to each other in bed, chatting about the day at school, she suddenly asks, “Mama, what does disrespectful mean?” Aha! She is listening—and she’s thinking。"-Page 195 "Awe。 Help the child replace their anger with the emotion of awe。 Look around and find something beautiful。 Tell the child, in the calmest, most gentle voice, “Oh wow, the moon is so beautiful tonight。 Do you see it?” Outside。 If the child still won’t calm down, take them outside for some fresh air。 Gently lead them outside or pick them up。"-Page 195 "Consequence puzzle。 Calmly state the consequences of the child’s actions, then walk away (e。g。, “You’re going to fall off and hurt yourself”)。 Question。 Instead of issuing a command or instruction, ask the child a question (e。g。, “Who’s being mean to Freddie?” when a child hits a sibling, or “Who’s being disrespectful?”"-Page 218 "Larry says, wait for a calm, peaceful moment during the day (not at bedtime) and say something like this to the child: “Hey, Rosy, I’ve noticed there’s been a lot of arguing around bedtime。 Let’s play a game about that。 You can simply ask, “Who do you want to be in the play? Do you want to be the mom and I’ll be Rosy?”"-Page 218 "“Don’t be afraid to be outrageous and really exaggerate the bad behavior and its repercussions,” Larry says。 “The goal is to laugh, have fun, and release tension that’s built up around the problem。 So the more outrageous the better。”"-Page 218 "Bring the problem to the play zone。 Some parents may worry about modeling the wrong behavior。 But children can tell the difference between play and real life, Larry says。 “During this type of play, the child isn’t going to remember the ‘modeling。’ But instead, she will remember the human connection, the creativity, and tension release。”"-Page 222 "Bring an inanimate object to life。 Have a stuffed animal, piece of clothing, or other inanimate object help you coax a child to complete a task。"-Page 264 "Stop being a ventriloquist。 Make it a goal to stop speaking for your child or telling them what to say。 Let them answer questions directed at them, order at restaurants, decide when to say “Please” and “Thank you。”" 。。。more

Marissa

Some incredibly useful advice in here, not just on raising happy, helpful kids, but also in dealing with adults。 The author does have a tendency to provide a LOT of personal experiences on how the tips and tricks worked for her in her life, and I get why she included the stories, but the book could have been a bit shorter and easier to get through if she had cut some of that stuff out。

Corinne C。 DiPrima

YesssFinally a book that just feels right in your gut。 This makes sense。 I will read and re read until I have gotten it down。

Amanda

This book was SO refreshing to read, and really resonated with me and how I want to parent。 I’m so excited to be a parent, but I’m honestly struggling with a lot of the expected parenting activities that strike as more for something to share on Instagram or Pinterest than actually being good for your kids。 I can’t wait to try the styles and tactics that Doucleff outlines in the book。Don’t let the title throw you off - it makes it sound like it’s something related to the paleo diet, but it’s real This book was SO refreshing to read, and really resonated with me and how I want to parent。 I’m so excited to be a parent, but I’m honestly struggling with a lot of the expected parenting activities that strike as more for something to share on Instagram or Pinterest than actually being good for your kids。 I can’t wait to try the styles and tactics that Doucleff outlines in the book。Don’t let the title throw you off - it makes it sound like it’s something related to the paleo diet, but it’s really not。 It’s also interesting that the subtitle mentions “ancient cultures” when throughout the book the author strongly emphasizes that these are modern-day hunter-gatherer societies with iPhones, cars, internet, etc - they’ve just managed to hold onto their more ancient parenting techniques。 。。。more

Michelle Smith

Interesting ideas。。。I liked the end of each chapter that summarized the ideas and the stories that went along with them。 It's so hard to pick what to work on first as it's too much to all implement at once! I agree that something needs to change in my family and will need to discover that in time, but never felt like a bad parent while reading the book like some other parenting books。 Interesting ideas。。。I liked the end of each chapter that summarized the ideas and the stories that went along with them。 It's so hard to pick what to work on first as it's too much to all implement at once! I agree that something needs to change in my family and will need to discover that in time, but never felt like a bad parent while reading the book like some other parenting books。 。。。more

Katie Marquette

I really enjoyed this book。 A healthy dose of common sense really。。。 So much of modern, specifically Western parenting is so bizarre。 I'm already experiencing the gap between the stated advice and the lived reality of life with a newborn。 Much of this book is aimed more toward toddlers and young children but I'm happy to be reading it now with a 3-week-old。 Maybe I'll remember some of this advice in a few years。 But essentially the main takeaways are that children like to be treated like people。 I really enjoyed this book。 A healthy dose of common sense really。。。 So much of modern, specifically Western parenting is so bizarre。 I'm already experiencing the gap between the stated advice and the lived reality of life with a newborn。 Much of this book is aimed more toward toddlers and young children but I'm happy to be reading it now with a 3-week-old。 Maybe I'll remember some of this advice in a few years。 But essentially the main takeaways are that children like to be treated like people。 They like to be independent and autonomous。 They like to be given responsibility。 They don't like to be micromanaged。 And while I suppressed some inner rage reading about the unlimitable patience of the Inuit tribe and the fact that apparently many women there are silent while they give birth。。。 There's so much wisdom to be gained from cultures that have not been distracted and exhausted by our technological consumerist culture。 some of the advice will be taken with acan grain of salt of course。 I don't live in a hunter gatherer society and as much as I would love t o have a tribe of women living with me while we prepare to go gather water (No joke this actually sounds great) That's not my life。 My daughter's going to be spending a lot more one-on-one time with me than in a different society。 This will have its ups and downs。 We also probably won't be foraging for our food。 It is what it is。 But there are many universal lessons to be learned that can be applied across cultures: kindness, respect, patience。 I also loved hearing about the author's young daughter Rosy and how all this advice panned out in real life。 Spoiler, it works! 。。。more

Korra

You are knowledgeable in terms of writing a novel, I really enjoyed it! Well done! 。。。 If you have some great stories like this one, you can publish it on Novel Star, just submit your story to hardy@novelstar。top or joye@novelstar。top

Cindie

I listened to this as an audiobook but I think it is probably easier to absorb the material (and take notes!) in an actual book or ebook format。 I'm hoping I can find some cheat sheets online。。。I know since Dr。 Doucleff is an NPR reporter that they shared some tidbits from the book on the NPR website。 I listened to this as an audiobook but I think it is probably easier to absorb the material (and take notes!) in an actual book or ebook format。 I'm hoping I can find some cheat sheets online。。。I know since Dr。 Doucleff is an NPR reporter that they shared some tidbits from the book on the NPR website。 。。。more

Lisa

Good insights。 Long journey。 Put me to sleep every time I listened to it。

Cody McCoy

I loved this book! I 100% plan to apply many of these tips to my own kids one day。 Model calm; dim the lights at night and make bedtime natural rather than forced; embrace toddlers’ attempts to help cook and clean even if they’re bad at it; use stories and drama to teach lessons; and remember that your child is probably more physically capable and less emotionally capable than you think。 Finally, if I can find a way to coparent with a bunch of other families I will。A note: I wasn’t sure if this I loved this book! I 100% plan to apply many of these tips to my own kids one day。 Model calm; dim the lights at night and make bedtime natural rather than forced; embrace toddlers’ attempts to help cook and clean even if they’re bad at it; use stories and drama to teach lessons; and remember that your child is probably more physically capable and less emotionally capable than you think。 Finally, if I can find a way to coparent with a bunch of other families I will。A note: I wasn’t sure if this book would come off as sort of paternalistic or exploitative。 I do not think that it did。 She was learning from experts, whom she paid (at least some of them), she is sharing the money from the book with the families she learned from, and she avoided romanticizing or otherwise showing by big biases。 She went to explore parenting done right and reported on it。 Im thrilled the produced this book。 I would not like to read books by each woman and man she learned from!! 。。。more

Sandi

Parenting is hard。 If it weren’t there would not be thousands of parenting books。 Parenting books can provide useful tools and procedures and having a game plan and a set of tools is essential。 Some parents inherit these tools and procedures from their own families。 Some parents take classes and/or read books。 There are lots of helpful ideas about parenting here。 I do feel like the author was a little naive in her complete disdain of western culture。 It’s not all homogeneous and not all bad。 Si Parenting is hard。 If it weren’t there would not be thousands of parenting books。 Parenting books can provide useful tools and procedures and having a game plan and a set of tools is essential。 Some parents inherit these tools and procedures from their own families。 Some parents take classes and/or read books。 There are lots of helpful ideas about parenting here。 I do feel like the author was a little naive in her complete disdain of western culture。 It’s not all homogeneous and not all bad。 Similarly, indigenous cultures were not all ideal。 Remember human sacrifice? Some of the many good ideas here include working together with your children, creating an “on the same team” attitude, and being calm。 “Never discipline in anger” is also an attitude I share。 Cautions: The parent in this book is still in the early stages of parenting, and there were some approaches that may be problematic for the long term。 The author frequently promotes the concept of the village and extended family helping raise children, but seems to have disregarded extended families in western culture。 There are so many parenting styles among families in the U。S。 that it’s hardly fair to lump them all together。 And yet, one of the assets that people in indigenous cultures have is that everyone in a community is pretty much on the same page。 It is far more difficult to use a parenting style that is unusual in your community, as other adults the child encounters will not share the same values or procedures。 And yes, that’s both the beauty and the curse of diversity。 It’s hard to find consistency but also it’s possible to learn to appreciate people with different values。 All parents want to be better parents。 I would say that it’s best to learn to pick and choose the most natural and effective tools for managing behavior, and continue to evolve your tools as your children grow and change。 。。。more

Ellen

Loved this book even though my children are grown。 Highly recommend。

Hillary

Full of solid and largely achievable parenting strategies backed by science。 I didn't particularly connect to the author's personal story and the criticisms of her treatment of the cultures she studies are valid, but this was still one of the more useful parenting books I've read。 Full of solid and largely achievable parenting strategies backed by science。 I didn't particularly connect to the author's personal story and the criticisms of her treatment of the cultures she studies are valid, but this was still one of the more useful parenting books I've read。 。。。more

Leah Fidler

I usually quit on any "parenting" related books after I read the first chapter (or the title) 📖 This one is truly one of the best ones I have come across - real ideas and strategies to try that seemingly can work for most of us exhausted, frustrated parents! Amazing examples of how other (non-Western) cultures parent more efficiently, less yelling, happier kids。。。kids who want to help the household needs。。。and help without nagging, negotiation and major drama?!?! Please let this magic work 🔮🧙‍♂️ I usually quit on any "parenting" related books after I read the first chapter (or the title) 📖 This one is truly one of the best ones I have come across - real ideas and strategies to try that seemingly can work for most of us exhausted, frustrated parents! Amazing examples of how other (non-Western) cultures parent more efficiently, less yelling, happier kids。。。kids who want to help the household needs。。。and help without nagging, negotiation and major drama?!?! Please let this magic work 🔮🧙‍♂️🤞 。。。more

Amber

I like the feel of most of the advice in this book, but it feels cherry picked and anecdotal the way it's presented。 If I'm being generous I can take away the spirit of it and be good with it, but at the end of the day, I'm just not sure entire systems of culture are really grab bags for parenting "tips"。 I'll just be generous and leave it be。 Heaven knows it's a good idea to step outside your own framework and look back critically and this book definitely facilitates that。 I like the feel of most of the advice in this book, but it feels cherry picked and anecdotal the way it's presented。 If I'm being generous I can take away the spirit of it and be good with it, but at the end of the day, I'm just not sure entire systems of culture are really grab bags for parenting "tips"。 I'll just be generous and leave it be。 Heaven knows it's a good idea to step outside your own framework and look back critically and this book definitely facilitates that。 。。。more

Michelle

It was not as mind blowing as it was made out to be, but there was some good takeaways like the storytelling and alloparenting/community importance。 The book reiterated basic parenting skills, so it was a nice reminder to read: "less talk, more walk" versus "do as I say not as I do。"However, it was kind of annoying to read about the constant comparisons with the different cultures or her daughter to the other children, felt more like shaming。 Like children and adults, cultures are different for It was not as mind blowing as it was made out to be, but there was some good takeaways like the storytelling and alloparenting/community importance。 The book reiterated basic parenting skills, so it was a nice reminder to read: "less talk, more walk" versus "do as I say not as I do。"However, it was kind of annoying to read about the constant comparisons with the different cultures or her daughter to the other children, felt more like shaming。 Like children and adults, cultures are different for a reason; all have their upsides and downfalls。 It'd be interesting to see how this would have played out had it been Michaeleen and a son or the father and Rosy。 。。。more

Katie Rybakova

If you only want to read one parenting book, let this be the one you read。 This has revolutionized how I personally look at parenting and it has also impacted my own philosophy as a teacher。 This was not only beautifully written with humor and honesty but also included narrrative AND practical applications of various parenting concerns。 The fact that it all comes from a variety of different and wise cultures is the cherry on top。 I loved this book。

BreeAnn (She Just Loves Books)

This was a really interesting book that I think parents with children of any age will find nuggets of help from。 I really liked how the author takes her learnings and traveling experiences and applies them to our western world parenting。 There were so many times where I though, well shit, I AM doing that。。。and I need to stop。 I haven't had enough time to tell you if I now have happy, helpful little humans, but I sure hope that we can get there!I had the audio of this, and I highly recommend it。 This was a really interesting book that I think parents with children of any age will find nuggets of help from。 I really liked how the author takes her learnings and traveling experiences and applies them to our western world parenting。 There were so many times where I though, well shit, I AM doing that。。。and I need to stop。 I haven't had enough time to tell you if I now have happy, helpful little humans, but I sure hope that we can get there!I had the audio of this, and I highly recommend it。 It gives so much extra insight and emotion, and it was great!I was provided a gifted copy of this book for free。 I am leaving my review voluntarily。 。。。more

Lori Coleman

It’s almost like this book gives you encouragement/permission to do less。。。 and that’s better for everyone !

Lisa Bakker

A really good read。 No we can't exactly emulate the parenting culture of hunter gatherer communities, but there is a lot in this book that I thought was brilliant and will gladly bring into my parenting。 A really good read。 No we can't exactly emulate the parenting culture of hunter gatherer communities, but there is a lot in this book that I thought was brilliant and will gladly bring into my parenting。 。。。more

Kathy

Well researched parenting advice。 Couldn't relate to the sections on anger, but the rest of it was interesting。 Well researched parenting advice。 Couldn't relate to the sections on anger, but the rest of it was interesting。 。。。more

Danielle

There were a lot of good tips in here regarding raising a child。 I especially like the approach to calming a child during temper tantrums - to approach the child with calmness instead of demands and arguments。 My child is only 9 months old right now, but I'm sure this will be useful in the future。 Some of the suggestions were a bit extreme for me (e。g。 getting rid of all toys), but like most parenting books I take the parts that I feel will work best for our situation and family。 I also think a There were a lot of good tips in here regarding raising a child。 I especially like the approach to calming a child during temper tantrums - to approach the child with calmness instead of demands and arguments。 My child is only 9 months old right now, but I'm sure this will be useful in the future。 Some of the suggestions were a bit extreme for me (e。g。 getting rid of all toys), but like most parenting books I take the parts that I feel will work best for our situation and family。 I also think a lot can be learned from other cultures。 I feel she romanticizes a bit too much some cultures without access to electricity, etc。 But if you get past that, I think there are some really good points that can be taken from this book。 。。。more

Katie

Interesting, but TBD how helpful her recommendations and methods are。 The descriptions of the communities she visits come across as excessive Othering sometimes。 It does seem like she respects the people she interviewed for and quotes in the book, she just doesn't always express it as well as she could。 Interesting, but TBD how helpful her recommendations and methods are。 The descriptions of the communities she visits come across as excessive Othering sometimes。 It does seem like she respects the people she interviewed for and quotes in the book, she just doesn't always express it as well as she could。 。。。more

Sarah Smith

The story is powerful, I like how it was presented。 Good job writer! If you have some great stories like this one, you can publish it on NovelStar, just submit your story to hardy@novelstar。top or joye@novelstar。top

Chris Roome

A lot of really good food for thought and interesting perspectives in this book。 Definitely a few experiments that I want to try out。

Alex

The framing of this being some long lost wisdom gets a little tiring, but generally lots of good advice and not overwhelmingly repetitive。